I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Randomize
