respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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