Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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