i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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