Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
