you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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