yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
