he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
