I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
