YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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