i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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