I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
