please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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