..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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