Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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