i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
