I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
