you guys were way drunker than both of me
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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