I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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