have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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