I think I am morally bankrupt
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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