Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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