ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
