Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
