So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone đ
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Liz Cheney wasnât exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying âYAS QUEENâ for in 2021 but here we are
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