Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
