...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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