last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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