You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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