well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
