i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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