He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
