remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
