The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
