Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
