you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
