well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
