just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I am naked and annoyed.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
