does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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