I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
