I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
No subtext here. People are naked.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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