I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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