i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
