if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
