Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
