When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
