He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
