I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
