I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
