I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
