the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
